Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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