i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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