My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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