what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
