I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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