I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you will always have a special place in my vag
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
