just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Even my vagina gasped.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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