I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
