She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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