I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
