census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
