Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
