trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize