his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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