i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
