whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
