i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
