I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
