you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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