My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
