Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
