He had one of those small greek statue penises
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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