I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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