I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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