i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize