According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
