i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
