Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
