she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
