Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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