Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
