Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
