Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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