Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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