peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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