she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
