she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
