he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Your shirt... Was in my pants
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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