Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
As shirtless as possible
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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