All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
