My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
