I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
