so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
