watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
