He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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