sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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