Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
