The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
