Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You pole danced in your parka.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
