i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
