I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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