The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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