I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
