If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
