In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
