This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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