You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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