clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
