There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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