Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
