Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
