I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
