I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize