Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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