Yo dont text me then not text me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
