tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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