why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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