The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
