I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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