she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
